Screaming, hitting, biting, tantrums - just a few behaviors parents want to see less of (if any at all) from their little ones. While kiddos having moments of undesirable behavior is inevitable, there are a few strategies parents can implement to limit their frequency. The most effective strategies are pulled from an evidence-based therapeutic approach called Parent Child Interaction Therapy or PCIT.
What are the Basics?
One of the most basic principles of behavior change (and PCIT) is a simple one: behavior that is rewarded is more likely to increase. Unfortunately, for parents, it can be difficult to see positive behaviors your child is doing when the negative behaviors are the ones that always get your attention - typically because they warrant attention. BUT, parents can use the principle that rewarded behavior will increase to their advantage by praising the behaviors they want to see! Below are some examples of behaviors to praise:
If your child: | Praise this behavior instead: |
Hits or bites | Using gentle hands |
Doesn't follow instructions | Being a first time listener |
Avoids things that scare him | Being brave |
Throws tantrums | Using their words |
Okay, so we’ve figured out what behaviors we want to praise - now what? Now, we utilize the most essential PCIT skill of them all - Labeled Praise!
What is Labeled Praise?
Labeled praise is exactly what it sounds like - it is a way to verbally let your child know exactly what they are doing that you like. To put it simply, you provide a praise that labels (or clearly states) what you like about your child’s behavior. Labeled praises give your child information on how they can receive positive attention from you, whereas an unlabeled praise is uninformative. Here are some ways to transition an unlabeled praise to a labeled one:
Unlabeled Praise | Labeled Praise |
“Good job” (when they play gently with sibling) | “Good job using gentle hands” |
“Thank you” (when they follow an instruction) | “Thank you for being a first time listener” |
“I’m proud of you” (when they face a fear) | “I’m so proud of you for being brave” |
“I love that” (when they use their words) | “I love that you used your words” |
When to Provide Labeled Praises?
The great thing about labeled praises is that you can never provide too many! The boundless limits of labeled praises is helpful, but can also feel intimidating for parents. To simplify things, start small. Here are easy steps to follow:
Pick one behavior to focus on that is the opposite of the undesirable behavior you are seeing - think gentle hands or being a first time listener.
Find EVERY SINGLE opportunity to provide a labeled praise to your child when they engage in the desired behavior. The golden rule of behavior change is to have 5 praises to every 1 reprimand. So you want to amplify the times you provide labeled praises for the behaviors you want to see. Your child gets in the car when you ask - you say “I love that you were a first time listener!”
Create opportunities for you to praise the desired behavior. If your child already brushes their teeth every night, tell them to go brush their teeth five minutes before they typically do so you can provide them a labeled praise!
Get all caregivers on board with the labeled praising. If you have multiple parents, babysitters, grandparents, teachers, coaches - make sure everyone is providing labeled praises each time they see your child engage in the desired behavior. The more your child gets specific praise, the more they will do the behavior you want!
The main takeaway message: praise is your best friend! Figure out the behavior you want to change and praise the opposite as much as possible. Check out our labeled praise handout to take these skills with you on the go. Happy Praising!
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