Life as a kid (or teen) can be stressful - school, extracurricular activities, friends, family, and honestly sometimes just remembering to breathe. Learning to regulate our emotions has to be just that - learned. Here we’ll discuss ways to help your kiddos learn to regulate and manage intense emotions when they inevitably come up.
Learning Starts with Modeling
Before little ones learn to regulate their emotions, they need to see their caregivers regulate. Easy ways to start modeling effective emotion regulation include:
Naming Emotions: When you are driving in traffic and feel your blood start boiling, say aloud, “I am feeling frustrated when we sit in this traffic.” Learning to name emotions can take lots of practice, so work to name your emotions aloud in front of your kiddos as much as possible - both positive and negative!
Scaling (or measuring) Emotions: After naming your emotion, scale (or measure) it by saying whether you feel a little frustrated, medium amount frustrated, or big frustrated. Showing your child how to name and scale your emotions will teach them how to do it themselves - remember, children are sponges constantly soaking up what they see you doing!
Practice Coping in Front of Them: After naming and scaling your emotion, say out loud how you are going to cope with it - for instance, “I am feeling medium frustrated when we sit in this traffic. I’m going to do some cupcake breaths to help me keep my body calm.” The more children see you pair coping skills with a challenging emotion, the easier it will be for them to pick up the skill when they need it.
You’ve Modeled Emotion Regulation - Now What?
After you model naming, scaling, and coping with emotions in front of your little ones, you can help them learn kid-ified coping skills they can practice first with you and eventually on their own.
IMPORTANT NOTE: be sure your child is calm when they initially learn and practice a new coping skill. Think about emotional zones as a stop light: we learn and practice coping best while in green, are able to implement coping in yellow, and are usually too far gone to practice anything when in red. With this in mind, teach and practice in green zone moments - think driving in the car, as a part of bedtime routines, after completing a daily task like brushing teeth.
*Check out our Coping Strategies Handout to get you started!
1. Balloon Breathing (aka: diaphragmatic breathing): Deep breathing is a simple technique that’s excellent for managing emotions. Here’s how to practice:
Pretend there is a balloon inside your belly
Breathe in slowly through your nose for 4 counts to fill up the balloon
Pause
Exhale slowly through your mouth to empty the balloon
2. Lemon Squeezers (aka: progressive muscle relaxation): By tensing and relaxing the muscles throughout your body, you can start feeling relaxed. Here’s how to practice:
Pretend you have lemons in your hands
Pretend to squeeze the juice out of the lemons by clenching your fists for 5 counts
Pretend to drop the lemons by opening your hands and releasing tension
Repeat as needed
Other ways to make progressive muscle relaxation fun!
3. Grounding: Grounding turns your attention away from thoughts and worries, and refocuses on the present moment. Using the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, you will take the details of the things around you using each of your senses. Try to notice small details such as distant sounds or the texture of an ordinary object.
How to practice:
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