Holidays can be stressful for everyone - the family members, the unwanted comments, difficult conversation topics - it’s a lot. For those struggling with disordered eating, there are additional components of the holiday that can make it feel unbearable. We’re aiming to share some tips for ways to cope with all the stress that comes along with this Turkey Day!
Triggers Parents May Not Think About
Thanksgiving presents some specific challenges that can be extra triggering for a kiddo or teen struggling with disordered eating. To increase empathy (and remind you of things to validate), we want to bring to light just a few of those aspects:
Increased stress of others - think multiple generations stressing about the different foods being prepared, who will sit where, who has drama with who…the list could go on.
Extended periods of time with family or large groups - social batteries might get depleted quickly.
Out of typical routine - think sleep schedules, time off from school, etc.
Comments from others about their eating, their appearance, the appearance of others, their achievements (or lack thereof).
Collectively, all of these aspects of holiday get togethers can make kiddos more vulnerable to intense emotions or thoughts.
What Should Parents Avoid?
The most helpful thing to avoid is unhelpful language! So what is unhelpful language you ask - we’ll tell ya:
Stop labeling food as good or bad: Rather than labeling food as good, bad, healthy, or unhealthy just talk about food as food. If you like it, talk about it being delicious without connecting it to health. If it provides great nutrients, talk about what those nutrients are - does it give you protein or vitamin C? Talk about the benefits of eating certain foods. For instance, talk about how carbohydrates are amazing for energy or protein can make our bodies and minds strong.
Stop talking about bodies: We know that when people compliment someone else on their weight loss or “looking healthy” it is often coming from a good place. But, stop it. Stop commenting on people’s bodies in ways that feel positive or negative. Because body-related comments feel icky either way. Instead, compliment non-appearance related attributes such as their effort, creativity, or kindness 🙂
We Know What to Avoid - Then What?
Don’t worry, we wouldn’t leave you hanging! Try these techniques to lessen the load of a stressful holiday:
1 - Create Structure and Routine: Think sleep and eating!
Consistent sleep (even when on breaks from school) helps all humans to manage emotional stress more effectively. When we get good sleep, our emotions are like a kiddy roller coaster. BUT, if our sleep is inconsistent our emotions turn into an adult, Six Flags Over Texas worthy ride.
Regular eating (eating every 3-4 hours when awake) helps reduce the likelihood of restrictive-binge eating cycles and helps us regulate our physical, mental, and emotional states. Again, regular eating helps us keep our emotions feeling like a kiddy roller coaster - which is what we’re looking for during the holiday season!
2 - Balance, Variety, and Moderation: Here we’re talking about balancing macronutrients, having variety in food choices, and eating moderate sized meals and snacks. When building a meal or snack think about having AT LEAST 2 of the 3 macronutrients (carbs, protein, and fat). This will pack your kiddo with nutrients while also keeping their tummies and brains satisfied.
3 - Prepare a Plan: Preparedness will be your kiddo’s best friend on a naturally stressful holiday. To make your plan -
Discuss a “pause” button if things get stressful at the Thanksgiving table. If someone makes an unhelpful comment or your kiddo gets overwhelmed, have a signal that they need to take a break. Also, help them plan what they will do if they need to take a pause. Think listening to a favorite song on their airpods, popping to the restroom to do some square breathing, or splashing a little cold water on their face. A pause is not a problem. Instead a pause is a chance to reset before braving the uncertainty of a family-filled table.
Have your kiddo pick a meal buddy or safe person they can lean on if things get tough. Maybe this is someone who can sit next to them at the table to provide support in the way of their presence or potentially it is someone who can pop with them to the bathroom to lead them through square breathing if they need it. Holidays (stressful or not) are meant to be enjoyed with others - so use the buddy system!
You’ve Got This!
The takeaway message is that Thanksgiving can be extremely tough when your kiddo or teen is struggling with disordered eating, but that does not make it impossible. Having structure, routine, consistency, and a plan for coping will get you on the road to success. Happy coping, ya turkeys!
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