When it comes to talking to kiddos, adults often get worried about bringing up certain topics for fear that it will “mess them up.” In response to their worries, we wanted to share some examples of what to say (and not say) to promote positive relationships with food, body image, and exercise. We’ll start with things to avoid.
Things to Avoid
Singling out kids based on their body shape or size: Singling out kids based on their body size or shape can make them question if something is wrong with them. Often, this questioning can lead them to engage in unhealthy behaviors to try and change their bodies. If you are worried, do your best to focus on the nutrition of certain foods we want to consume more of and the benefits of moving our bodies, including strength, brain health, and improving our mood.
Making health a numbers game: Research shows that focusing on numbers like BMI or weight percentile can negatively influence childrens’ beliefs about their body and increase their likelihood for negative outcomes, including anxiety, depression, weight cycling, and eating disorders. Instead of commenting on someone’s weight, have discussions about their wellbeing, their happiness, their inner light. We want kids to learn that health encompasses so many aspects - how our organs are functioning, how we are able to move, how we are handling our emotions. It’s complicated, so don’t belittle health to a single number.
Providing weight-related comments or compliments: Just don’t do it. While these types of compliments may come from a nice place, they are not helpful. Focus your compliments on non-appearance related aspects - think determination, self-discipline, creativity, commitment, curiosity, kindness. People’s bodies are the least interesting thing about them, so let’s focus on all the other amazing stuff!
Labeling food as “good” or “bad”: Instead of labeling food as good, bad, healthy, or unhealthy, try talking about food for all the things it does for you. For instance, orange foods are often good for vision - think carrots - or red produce helps keep your heart healthy. Talking about the benefits of food rather than labeling can promote curiosity vs. fear.
Making movement a punishment: In the end, we want movement to be joyful. By making movement a punishment, we often remove any joy it may bring. Instead, think about how movement can be integrated into the family culture - think about family walks with the dog or games that involve movement vs. technology like charades.
Things to Say and Do
If you want to make health changes - do it for everyone! If you are worried about your child’s health and want to implement changes, do it for the entire family. For instance, if you want to increase veggies, have the family do experiments to find their favorite veggie as you try new ones throughout the week. If you want to increase movement, have the entire family take a walk after dinner. Most of all, make the changes fun rather than focusing on weight loss.
Self-worth is not skin deep: The goal is to help kiddos recognize that their self-worth is determined by so much more than their body shape or size. They will need to see others (i.e., parents and other caregivers) modeling that their self-worth is dependent on the way they treat people, the connections they build, the way that they contribute to the world. Remind your kids that their value comes from all of their different identities and skills - think being a student, sibling, artist, athlete, leader - all things that have nothing to do with what their body looks like.
Food is fuel and fun: Basically, we want kids to know that food is just food. It nourishes us - sometimes it fuels our brains, while other times it is full of sugar and makes us happy. All of that is good for us.
Make movement joyful: Think of dance parties in the kitchen, tag in the backyard, swinging on the swingset at your local playground, and walking as a family after dinner. Helping your kiddo to build habits that include joyful movement will make it more likely that they carry it on past childhood.
Remember, You’re Human.
Therefore, you won’t always get it right. The goal is to show compassion towards our kids and also towards ourselves. We aim to provide you with tools to improve their confidence and self-esteem, which will increase their likelihood of positive physical and mental health outcomes.
One thing that we want to ensure parents understand is that no one person has the power to cause a child to develop an eating disorder or other physical/mental health problems. And you WILL make mistakes. Those mistakes will provide perfect opportunities to model for your kiddos that we can recover from mistakes. You’ve got this!
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